whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
