Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
