Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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