Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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