The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
