I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
