Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I will die if light touches me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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