We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
