yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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