They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
