Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
