apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
