So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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