Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
