Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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