I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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