i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
