can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
