Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
