i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
