some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
