He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
