I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
