in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
