five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
