I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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