im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
