her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
