Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
