Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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