I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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