we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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