Your face is a jimmy john
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
