you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
