Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
