how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
