I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
