Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
