I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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