I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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