Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize