Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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