you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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