Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
