please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
