girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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