Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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