Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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