but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
