Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
