there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
