More tranny stories later!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
