Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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