i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
