Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
