I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
