Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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