dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
