are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
