Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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