after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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