did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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