I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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