you traded sex for a burrito?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
