she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize