worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your cock deserves a montage
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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