i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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